Baby Spree!

Okay, So basically I have already been thinking about stuff I would love for the baby. Now, we already have pretty much all of this stuff already, but it has all gotten very used from Kiyah and since we have SO MUCH already it may not seem like it makes sense to get new stuff. For me though, I love getting new stuff especially for the people I love. We do have pretty much all of the stuff we need and we already have these things, but I would just like new ones. Sorry that was like the same thing but I am just trying to explain myself-haha. So anyways these things I found are from Target(which I LOVE) so I just thought I would show you guys some things I am eyeing for baby #2. Also things cant really be gender specific right now due to the fact that we do not know what we are having.....so the things below for now will be not gender specific. So this is a super cute carseat which is gender neutral since it is blue but I think the print can be girly too :) I also like blue for girls! This is only $80.99 including one base.

As you can/will see I am loving this print/design! I think that this play yard is so amazing since it has the additional vibrating seat in it! I loved Kiyah's play yard like this, it just didnt have the seat part. She got SO much use out of it! This is only $134.99 and a for sure must on my list!

and continuing on with this theme I think the stars and moons add such a cute touch! I remember I would put kiyah in the swing while I was cooking and she would nap as I would clean or cook :) This is only $116.99 !Finally on my list of current wants I think these are so much fun for babies once they get a little older and I am sure kiyah will love showing the baby how to use it from the outside! :) This is such a great deal too ! $59.99 :)

A New Beginning

So I have started to realize that there are some things that I just cannot control. I really need to realize that my faith is going to have to get me through even more situations than I once thought. Even the most minor things have been seeming to bother me lately ( I have been chalking that up to the pregnancy hormones and lack of sleep.) It would just be nice to be sure about some things and not have to wonder. Personally, I know already that isnt what life is about and I do love a little chaos. Sometimes though, it would just be nice to be able to sit back and for even a couple days not be stressed about one thing. Trying to find the best in all situations is something that I have always prided myself on, but lately I have been such a debbie downer with some things......I am thinking that if I just engulf myself with new daily tasks to add onto all of the stuff I already do, I wont have to stress about certain things :/ one can only hope. I am not exactly sure what the point of this blog was....maybe just to vent about life a bit. I plan on gearing my blog a little more towards baby #2 news and of course my youtube. We will see how this all pans out :)

Ode to the past

Have you ever just thought back to a moment in your life or better yet a huge part of your life and literally be scared you were in that situation? Well, for me even though it was so scary and horrible and it makes me sick I cant help be drawn back to it all. The ugly bliss that entwined my whole being. How sickening. Now there is nothing to do but think back on it whether I like to think about it or not and get a huge knot in my throat, queesy stomach, and just major thoughts of disgust. It draws me in-entices me. How could I have been so stupid thinking things for so long?! Hurtful words-torture words- bringing me down-attracting me. How I want it back yet convulse at the thought. Captured yet free. Broken and torn. Who would want that? Not me, yet I dont think it will ever leave my spirit.

soda anyone?

hmmm I really need to start blogging more. I have so many random and what I think are sure to be amazing thoughts that some of you would maybe want to hear. Also, I think I really need a soda right now. Do you know that feeling where you just like NEEEEEEED it or you cant function...whelp I think that is me right now....ugh...So I think I should start posting swatches and videos and pictures and such on here, but I dont think that is what I wanted my blog for. I wanted it to be able to rant almost like an unpersonal diary. who knows....ugh ...k ...this was gonna be longer, but....I need a soda. lame. peace

can you feel it in your heart?

Have you ever been in such utter bliss that there is no words to describe it? You are so content and happy that nothing else in the world matters. I never thought that this could be it. That I could actually feel this feeling. I love it. Love is what makes the world go round. If you dont have love you have nothing.You are left empty and emotionless. I never could image going back to feeling doubt and sadness. Not saying that when you dont have someone you are nothing ...you still are who you are I mean Love just so pure and perfect and it completes the little broken pieces in your heart, mind, and soul. Once you fall in love it is the hardest thing to fall out of....So before you take the big leap make sure your heart can deal or that utter bliss will wither and you will fade.

get that feeling?

Remember when you were a child and nothing else mattered but just being a kid? Now in the place we call the "adult world" everything matters. I cant help but feel emotionless in which everything should matter. The anger that I have held in for so long just wont go away. I feel it and see it everyday. It scatches at my heart. I can try and close my eyes and forget but you still fill the black void. I keep holding you close yet I want to set you ablaze. It hurts so damn deep. Im on the 18th floor balcony and I just want to jump. SCREAM. [at the top of my lungs] You took my mind and all my thoughts and turned them to word vomit and I cant help but want to purge. I try to sleep and still see you in my dreams. FUCK. YOUR EVERYWHERE. Anywhere and everywhere I dont want you to be. I should have known what I was getting myself into huh? Ill be loves suicide. Ill fight my way back from the dead and whelp... Keep seeing you. Until then...Good day.