Ode to the past

Have you ever just thought back to a moment in your life or better yet a huge part of your life and literally be scared you were in that situation? Well, for me even though it was so scary and horrible and it makes me sick I cant help be drawn back to it all. The ugly bliss that entwined my whole being. How sickening. Now there is nothing to do but think back on it whether I like to think about it or not and get a huge knot in my throat, queesy stomach, and just major thoughts of disgust. It draws me in-entices me. How could I have been so stupid thinking things for so long?! Hurtful words-torture words- bringing me down-attracting me. How I want it back yet convulse at the thought. Captured yet free. Broken and torn. Who would want that? Not me, yet I dont think it will ever leave my spirit.